Genie In A Jam Jar

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Genie In A Jam Jar

(written 15 Mar 2015)

Rub-a-dub-dub, 
Three men in a tub;
And who do you think they be?  
The butcher is one,
And the baker another,
The candlestick-maker is three.
The hot tub they're in,
Full of juice from the bin,
Will embroil them in drugfuckery;
Each one misbehaves,
And makes all of them knaves,
Turn 'em out? Okay, leave it to me...

I'm a genie in a jam jar,
And I heard you're in a pickle,
Let me see if I can help you,
Let me share the load a lickle,
Look, you really shouldn't worry,
'Cause you know that feeling bleak'll
Only maximise the problem,
Let me offer you some treacle,

Let me offer you a present,
Let me give to you this jam jar,
It will grant you what you wish for,
Just like wishing on a rock star,
Just like wishing on a penny
As you throw it in a fountain,
Just like wishing on the edelweiss 
You found up Brokeback Mountain.

I'm a genie in a jam jar,
Best pay heed to what I say:
Just be careful what you wish for,
Better rub me up the right way.

Rub-a-dub-dub, 
Three men in a tub;
The butcher's the first one to try.
His wish: to control,
And to strictly patrol
The sex life of each girl and guy.
His intentions are lewd, 
So his giblets are stewed,
His sirloin's a scrag-end to fry,
He singed his pork dumplings,
And they were such plump things,
He's baffled, he doesn't know why...

I'm a genie in a jam jar,
And I force-fed you the jam,
'Cause I heard you've got a sweet tooth,
Siren sweet is what I am,
But I ain't your bleedin' Tinker Bell,
And you ain't no Peter Pan;
Better rub me up the right way,
Better catch me if you can.

Rub-a-dub-dub, 
Three men in a tub;
The baker is next for a go,
His wish is to have,
As the ultimate chav,
The freedom to flash round his dough.
Therefore taking the plunge,
Iced his name on jam sponge,
'Twas exceedingly bad for him though;
Throwing cake at the poor
As they beat down his door,
He's puzzled they don't wanna know...

I'm a genie in a jam jar,
And I think you boiled your cake,
You've got the anti-Midas touch,
You've made a big mistake;
Space cadet you may be,
But don't try to be J.R., 
Better rub me up the right way,
Or else back up off my jar.

Rub-a-dub-dub, 
Three men in a tub;
The candlestick-maker goes last,
His wish: to debauch,
And by holding a torch,
Rekindle a flame from the past.
But found that his candle,
Was too hot to handle,
It burns phosphorescent too fast, 
'Cause it burns at both ends,
And his wick always wends
Its own way, so he's ever aghast...

I'm a genie in a jam jar,
Sharp but sweet like lemon curd,
When I gave you what you wanted,
You forgot the magic word.
Just like Glinda said to Sailor,
Seize the day, you jolly tar!
Better rub me up the right way,
All at sea is what you are.

Rub-a-dub-dub, 
Three men in a tub;
Now wishing they'd thought all this through.
The butcher will splutter
On smooth peanut butter,
And rhymes, 'cause he swallowed them too. 
The baker bad karma made,
Bitter his marmalade,
Rash words he'll rightfully rue.
The candlestick fella
Got stuck in nutella
And wished he could magic undo...

I'm a genie in a jam jar,
With a hot tub time machine,
Do you want to climb in with me?
Rub-a-dub your conscience clean?
Better rub me up the right way,
Now you've got a second chance,
Either solo or in tandem,
And let each one choose his dance,

And let each one choose his flavour,
And let each one hold his nerve,
So each makes his own decisions,
And thereby his plums preserve.
A losing game your aspar-tame,
Your chemicals are sham!
I'm a genie in a jam jar,
And I'm pumping up the jam. 


© Sara Nicola Ruth

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▪️ The nursery rhyme Rub-a-dub-dub. Source: Halliwell, The Nursery Rhymes of England (1846).

Rub-a-dub-dub,
Three men in a tub;
And who do you think they be?  
The butcher, the baker,
The candlestick-maker;
Turn 'em out, knaves all three!

▪️ Genie in a Bottle by Christina Aguilera from her self-titled debut album (1999):

If you wanna be with me,
Baby there's a price to pay,
I'm a genie in a bottle,
You gotta rub me the right way.

▪️ Edelweiss is a well-known mountain flower. The plant is unequally distributed and prefers rocky limestone places at about 1800–3000 m altitude. There is a folklore associated with the Edelweiss in which it is stated that giving this flower as a gift to a loved one is a promise of dedication.

▪️ Brokeback Mountain is a 2005 American epic romantic drama film directed by Ang Lee. Starring Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal, the film depicts the complex romantic and sexual relationship between two men in the American West from 1963 to 1983.

▪️ Tinker Bell (Tink for short), is a fictional character from J. M. Barrie’s 1904 play Peter Pan and its 1911 novelization Peter and Wendy. She has appeared in multiple film and television adaptations of the Peter Pan stories, in particular the 1953 animated Walt Disney picture Peter Pan.

▪️ Anti-Midas Touch by The Wolfhounds (1986)

▪️ I Dream of Jeannie is an American sitcom which starred Barbara Eden as a 2,000-year-old genie, and Larry Hagman as an astronaut, the show originally aired 1965 to 1970.

Larry Hagman is also famous for playing J.R. Ewing, a ruthless oil baron in the 1980s TV soap Dallas.

▪️ Wild at Heart is a 1990 American crime thriller film written and directed by David Lynch.

While unconscious, Sailor, played by Nicholas Cage, sees a vision in the form of Glinda the Good Witch (a character from The Wizard of Oz) who tells him:

If you are truly wild at heart you’ll fight for your dreams. Don’t turn away from love Sailor, don’t turn away from love.

▪️ Hot Tub Time Machine is a 2010 American science fiction adventure comedy film directed by Steve Pink.

▪️ “Pump Up The Jam” is the opening track on Technotronic’s album Pump Up the Jam: The Album (1989). It was the first house song, a music-genre originating from Chicago, to break into the mainstream in the US.

Genie In A Jam Jar

Genie In A Jam Jar

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